The Five Terrors of Warlord Huang

Penny's Diary: Party Crashers who happen to be monkeys.

I need to shop for a new outfit...

December 10, 1927

Dearest Diary,

I am writing from an elevator, while my outfit is absolutely ruined with monkey parts. My hair is a mess. This has been a horrible day. One of the worst parties ever. But as Daddy Diamond says, Diamonds are made of the hardest stuff on earth, so I must keep my composure.

Daddy invited us to a simply splendid party, to celebrate his discovery of a very nice looking diamond that I would love to have as a pendant. I think he also said something about it being the ‘fabled star of vengeance’ jewel from the Punjab region (Which has great deals on bracelets and fabrics! I recommend shopping for scarves there!). The party was set with Psuedo indian opulent decorations (I don’t know where Psuedo is in India, and no one could tell me!), and the party was packed. There were many tasty drinks served, including the “Rickenbacker” which takes you up high and lets you go down fast. (And for some strange reason, people giggle at this slogan… hmmm…).

My friends, the famous war hero Dan Dare, the brilliant and reclusive Dr. Doctor Marathon, Ilduram Singe and his charges Charles and Anabel Harcourt, and of course, my BFF from Greece, Diana (whose red dress was stunning and was the talk of the party.). After arriving by Dan landing on the 66th floor with Dan’s plane (I should tell Dan to add some “peach” to the interior decorations and maybe a larger minibar…reminder!), we went in, only to be greeted by those horrible toadlike socialites Barbara, Misty, and that girl whose left eye is slightly higher than her right…(What is her name?) I don’t know why Daddy invites them. They were horrid to Diana and my friends, but when I pointed out a couple of helpful suggestions for their attire and behavior… they ran off hurriedly. I really don’t understand why they even bother.

Diamond Party See Doctor Marathon’s white “suit” on the left.

While our soiree was underway, truly ghastly party crashers came in, and we sent off Charles and Anabel to the Candy Closet. Clearly these bounders did not follow the dress code, because they weren’t wearing tuxedos, or even bow-ties! Cads! These crashers wore fur coats, needed a shave, and had on eight pairs of black stockings. (Who wears that?) Someone called this gang the monkey spiders, and two large palookas called themselves apes and tried to steal the diamonds.

Party Crashers. Why can't they speak English?

Diana politely tried to check their invitations, there was some sort of tussle with her when they couldn’t find their invites….(One thing about Diana, if she wants to go somewhere, don’t stand in her way. Those palookas were bowled over by Diana’s approach) Ilduram, Dan, and Dr. Doctor Marathon provided some muscle once these odd men pulled out a tommygun and the shots ruined at least 10 bottles of hootch. I think some people may have been hurt too.

A dinner jacket and tie is required Mr. Monkey Spider!

Dan knocked the lights out of the tommygun man, while Ilduram flung decorations at monkeys. I was shocked that Dr. Dr. Marathon had snuck some sort of flashlights into the party, and clearly the crashers did not like these “repulsor” portable lanterns. I am flabbergasted (I love saying that word…It’s so 1930s!) that these odd men were such cads that they tried to hit a lady. My poor friend Diana was assaulted by them, and if it wasn’t for her stylish pair of bracelets she kept showing them, she might have been seriously hurt. Luckily she convinced them to play a game called “Lasso the party crashers.” One of these men dropped his tommy gun into my hands. Well, gun grease does not match with sheer white silk and diamond dusted shoes, so I handed it off to Ilduram to dispose of. (No guns at a party unless it is a wild west theme! Everyone know that…) Unless they are gin and tonic guns, which would be swell (as daddy for one next month). Ilduram must of found it very heavy, so he emptied the clip of the tommy gun, which made the party crashes all collapse. I am sure Ilduram will apologize to them later.

Penny's Recollection of the Uninvited Guests

Then One big Ape tried to punch poor Ilduram, but Dan and Ilduram dealt him a heavy blow. They are the bees knees. Tough and capable men! Speaking of which, I think Diana might be a Suffragette. She is always talking about democracy (we gals have the right to vote you know!) Well, Dr. Doctor Marathon, Dan, and Diana took the diamond back, forcibly, and then Ilduram suggested we do some arts and crafts, which was hard… due to my breaking of a nail earlier. I think that was the worst part of the party. Someone mentioned that there were fireworks about to go off, and Daddy was taking a snooze due to hitting a table quite successfully with his head. I applied some first aid I learned in boarding school, while Dr. Doctor Marathon was so brilliant and scientific, discovered simply loads of fireworks in the wrong place.

Some lady named the “Cloud Queen” (which I thought was a Gin Joint name in Uptown) threatened to blow up the building unless she got the diamond. This was just plain crazy, because she clearly did not know that there were people in the building that could be hurt if she did that. Not to mention the insurance policy was in our name, not hers. We were going to explain it to her using the express elevation device, when another very large man in a fur coat, needing a shave, with eight stockings (who looked suspiciously like a giant ape with a saw), was trying to cut the cable of our elevator. Diana and Ilduram took a few powerful swings at him, while Dr Doctor Marathon appeared to be playing with the control panel about the same time as the emergency brakes hit the elevator. I clearly had become a little tipsy, because I took a spill from the jolt of the elevator stopping.

A very hairy man, who needs a shave gets too forward with Penny

It was really high up, and pretty crowded in the elevator, and an incredible tragedy happened that I don’t know how Diana will ever recover from happened. While climbing the elevator cable, Diana’s dress was ruined by the grease and torn to reveal places no proper young lady would show to the general public. (That such a horrible fate would happen to such a nice strapless dress… sigh) In addition to that, the great ape seemed to be misunderstood, and I tried to show him a little kindness with a smile and a blown kiss. I think he was sweet on me, because when he reached into the Elevator to grab at me, Dan (who is a sweetheart) gave him a right thrashing! I heartily approve. I mean, we hardly knew each other, so there’s no touching on a first date! To my shock he tried to put his brutish paws on me again when Ilduram, that mysterious and exotic Indian Gentleman, swashbucked into the elevator and literally took the ape’s head off. My clothing was ruined, being stained to a color of rum-runner’s punch. And I couldn’t wear a red dress, because Diana already had one at the party.

The Ape’s sawing efforts on the elevator cable left us hanging by a thread, and to be honest, Diary, I don’t know how we will survive! If something happens to me, please let Mr. Percy be alright, and let Daddy Diamond know how much his little girl loves him.

Sincerely Penny Scribbled Love Hearts ,

Penelope D.

P.S. What I wouldn’t do for a bit of liquid courage right now!

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